Resources for teens, parents, caregivers, coaches, schools, and anyone trying to reach a young person before a crisis.
NEED HELP RIGHT NOW?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you do not have to handle it alone.
Call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. You can also chat online.
In Maine: Call the Maine Crisis Line at 1-888-568-1112, available 24/7.
If someone is in immediate danger or there is an immediate risk of harm, call 911.
QUICK CONNECTION CHECK-IN
Sometimes “Are you okay?” isn’t enough.
The Quick Connection Check-In is a simple way to slow down, check in honestly, and help a young person communicate how they’re really doing—even when finding the words is hard.
It can be used by teens, parents, caregivers, coaches, teachers, counselors, and other trusted adults. It is not a mental health assessment or a replacement for professional care. It is a tool for connection—and a starting point for a conversation.
START WITH ONE QUESTION
You don’t need the perfect words. You just need to start the conversation.
How are you really doing today?
Sometimes one number is enough to start the conversation.
If finding the words feels hard, choose a number from 1–5. Each number tells a trusted adult a little more about how you’re doing—and how quickly you may need support.
🟢 1 — “I’m okay right now.”
I feel safe and I’m doing okay right now.
🟡 2 — “I’m having a hard day.”
Something feels harder than usual, but I’m managing.
🟠 3 — “I need someone to talk to.”
I’m struggling and I need someone to check in, listen, or talk with me today.
🔴 4 — “I’m really not okay.”
I need support now and I don’t want to handle this by myself.
🔴 5 — “I do not feel safe right now.”
I need immediate help and I should not be left alone with this.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
The number is the beginning of the conversation—not the end of it. If a young person gives you a number, listen without judgment and respond to the level of support they’re asking for.
🟢 1 — “I’m okay right now.”
Keep connecting. This is still an opportunity to listen, notice, and strengthen the relationship.
🟡 2 — “I’m having a hard day.”
Offer connection and check back. Give them an opportunity to talk without pressuring them to explain everything immediately.
🟠 3 — “I need someone to talk to.”
Make time for a private, same-day conversation. Listen first, take what they tell you seriously, and help connect them with additional support when needed.
🔴 4 — “I’m really not okay.”
Stay engaged with them and promptly involve an appropriate trusted adult or support person. Don’t leave them responsible for figuring out the next step by themselves.
🔴 5 — “I do not feel safe right now.”
Stay with them and get immediate help. Use the crisis resources at the top of this page. If there is immediate danger or an immediate risk of harm, call 911.
A number can be easier to say than everything behind it. Learn what the numbers mean. Take every answer seriously. Keep the conversation going.
FOR TEENS & YOUNG PEOPLE
You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable to ask for help.
Whether you’re overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, grieving, lonely, dealing with problems at home or school, worried about substance use, or you just don’t feel like yourself, there are people and resources that can help.
SOMEONE TO TALK TO
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
If you’re struggling, overwhelmed, worried about yourself or someone else, or just need someone to talk to, you can call, text, or chat with a trained crisis counselor 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Support is free and confidential.
NAMI Teen & Young Adult HelpLine
Free, confidential peer support for teens and young adults who are dealing with a mental health condition or simply going through a hard time. Connect with a trained young adult volunteer for emotional support, information, and resources.
Monday–Friday, 10 AM–10 PM ET
Text FRIEND to 62640 or call 1-800-950-6264.
This is a peer-support HelpLine, not a crisis line. If you are in crisis or do not feel safe, call or text 988.
FINDING MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT
You don’t have to know exactly what’s wrong before asking for help. If your thoughts, feelings, stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, grief, or anything else is making everyday life harder, tell someone you trust. A parent or caregiver can be a good place to start, but you can also talk to a school counselor, teacher, coach, nurse, doctor, social worker, family member, or another trusted adult.
Not sure what to say?
You can start small. Try: “I haven’t been feeling like myself lately and I think I need some help.” You can say it out loud, send it in a text, write it down, or use the Quick Connection Check-In above to give someone a number first.
If the first person doesn’t understand or doesn’t help, tell someone else. Keep telling trusted adults until someone helps you take the next step.
Find Mental Health or Substance Use Treatment
SAMHSA’s treatment locator can help you and a trusted adult search for mental health and substance use treatment providers in your area. The service is confidential and anonymous.
GRIEF & LOSS
Grief can look different for everyone. You might feel sad, angry, numb, confused, guilty, relieved, distracted—or several of those things at once. There isn’t one “right” way to grieve, and grief doesn’t follow a set timeline.
Losing a parent, sibling, friend, teammate, classmate, or someone else you love can affect school, friendships, sleep, concentration, relationships, and everyday life. You deserve support while you figure out what grief looks like for you.
Center for Grieving Children — Maine
Free peer support for children, teens, young adults, and families who are grieving. The Center offers bereavement groups in Portland and Sanford, Maine, as well as virtual services. Teen groups give young people a place to be with others who have experienced a significant death.
Dougy Center — Teen Grief Resources
Free grief resources created specifically for teens ages 13–18, including articles, activities, podcasts, support after a suicide death, help after the death of a friend, and guidance for supporting a grieving friend. You can also search for grief-support programs near you.
BULLYING, SCHOOL & ONLINE PRESSURE
What happens at school or online can follow you everywhere—and you shouldn’t have to handle it alone.
If someone is repeatedly humiliating, threatening, excluding, harassing, spreading rumors about you, sharing things about you online, or making you feel unsafe, tell a trusted adult. That could be a parent or caregiver, teacher, counselor, coach, administrator, or another adult you trust.
If it’s happening online:
Save the evidence before deleting anything. Take screenshots and keep messages, posts, usernames, dates, and times. Don’t forward harmful messages. Block the person when you can, report the content to the app or platform, and show what you saved to a trusted adult.
If someone threatens violence, you believe you’re in immediate danger, or you’re afraid someone may hurt you, get an adult involved immediately and call 911 when there is immediate risk of harm.
StopBullying.gov — Help for Teens
Information specifically for young people about bullying, cyberbullying, helping a friend who is being bullied, speaking up, and getting adults involved.
SUBSTANCE USE & RECOVERY
If alcohol or drugs are starting to feel hard to control—or you’re worried about someone you care about—you can ask for help before things get worse.
You don’t have to decide whether something is “bad enough” or whether you have an addiction before talking to someone. A parent or caregiver, doctor, counselor, school staff member, coach, or another trusted adult can help you figure out what to do next.
SAMHSA National Helpline
Free, confidential help 24/7, 365 days a year for individuals and families dealing with mental health or substance use concerns. The Helpline can connect you with local treatment programs, support groups, and community resources.
Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Text your ZIP code to 435748 (HELP4U)
The Helpline provides information and treatment referrals; it is not a counseling or crisis line. If you are in crisis or do not feel safe, call or text 988.
Worried about someone you love?
You can care about someone without knowing how to fix what they’re going through. Listen without judgment, tell them you’re concerned, and involve a trusted adult when you need help. Their substance use is not something you have to manage by yourself.
HELPING A FRIEND
You don’t have to have all the answers to help someone you care about. If a friend tells you they’re struggling, listen. Take them seriously. Let them know you’re glad they told you, and help them connect with an adult who can support them.
You can say things like:
“I’m here with you.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“You don’t have to figure this out alone.”
“Let’s find someone who can help us.”
If your friend asks you to keep it a secret:
You can respect your friend’s privacy, but you should not promise to keep a secret about their safety. If they tell you they’re thinking about suicide, hurting themselves, don’t feel safe, or you believe they may be in danger, tell a trusted adult—even if your friend asks you not to.
You can say: “I care about you too much to keep this to myself. I’m going to stay with you while we get someone who can help.”
If you think they may be in immediate danger:
Stay with them. Get a trusted adult immediately. If there is immediate danger or an immediate risk of harm, call 911. You can also call or text 988 with your friend—or contact 988 yourself because you’re worried about someone else.
MAINE SUPPORT & RESOURCES
If you live in Maine, there are statewide services that can help you find support close to home. You don’t have to know exactly what kind of help you need before reaching out.
Maine Crisis Line
Free, confidential crisis support for Maine children, teens, adults, and families 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Maine Crisis Line can provide support over the phone and connect children and youth experiencing a mental health crisis with crisis services. Maine
Call 1-888-568-1112
If there is an immediate risk of harm, call 911.
211 Maine — Find Local Help
Not sure where to start? 211 Maine can help you find local counseling, mental health services, substance use treatment, support groups, housing assistance, food resources, and other services throughout Maine. It’s available 24/7, confidential, and available in all languages. 211 Maine
Dial 211
Text your ZIP code to 898-211
NAMI Maine — Teen & Youth Support
Maine-specific mental health resources for teens and young adults, including peer support, information about mental health, tools for helping a friend, and ways to connect with additional support.
You matter—even on the days when you don’t feel like you do.
You don’t have to explain everything perfectly. You don’t have to wait until things get worse. Start with one person, one conversation, one text—or even just one number.
Keep talking. Keep reaching. Keep going.
And when everything feels too heavy to think about tomorrow, don’t think about tomorrow.
HOLD ON FOR 77 MORE SECONDS.
THEN 77 MORE.
Then 77 more.
then 77 more.
Long enough to send the text.
Long enough to make the call.
Long enough to tell someone, “I’m not okay.”
Just keep holding on. You don’t have to do it alone.
FOR PARENTS & CAREGIVERS
You know the young person in your life—but you may not always know what they’re carrying.
Changes in mood, behavior, sleep, friendships, school, activities, substance use, or the way a young person talks about themselves can be signs that something is going on. Sometimes the changes are obvious. Sometimes they’re subtle. And sometimes a young person who is struggling may still laugh, go to school, play sports, spend time with friends, and appear okay.
You do not need to diagnose what is happening before you check in. Notice the change. Ask the question. Listen to the answer.
START THE CONVERSATION
Choose a private moment when you have time to listen. Start with what you’ve noticed instead of assuming you know what it means.
“You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you really doing?”
“I’ve noticed you’ve been pulling away more. I’m not upset with you—I just want to understand what’s going on.”
“You don’t have to tell me everything right now. I just want you to know I’m here and I’m going to keep checking in.”
If they say, “I’m fine.”
Don’t turn it into an interrogation, but don’t assume the conversation is over. You can say, “Okay. You don’t have to talk right now. I’m here when you’re ready, and I’m going to check in again.”
You can also use the Quick Connection Check-In above and ask, “If you don’t want to explain it all right now, can you just give me a number from 1–5?”
IF THEY TELL YOU THEY’RE STRUGGLING
How you respond in the first few minutes can shape whether they keep talking.
Your first job is not to solve everything. Listen. Stay calm. Thank them for telling you. Take what they say seriously—even if you don’t completely understand it or it surprises you.
Try saying:
“I’m really glad you told me.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.”
“You’re not in trouble.”
“I’m here, and we’re going to figure out the next step together.”
“What would help you feel supported right now?”
Try not to respond with:
“But you have so much to be grateful for.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“Everyone feels like that sometimes.”
“You have nothing to be depressed about.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“You’d never actually hurt yourself.”
Even when those responses come from fear, shock, or an attempt to reassure them, they can make a young person feel dismissed or less willing to keep talking.
You don’t need the perfect response. You need to make it safe for them to keep telling you the truth.
If you’re worried about suicide, ask directly.
It is okay to ask: “Are you thinking about suicide?”
Asking directly about suicide does not put the idea in someone’s head. It can open the door for an honest conversation and help you understand whether immediate support is needed.
If they say yes, say they don’t feel safe, or you believe they may be in immediate danger, stay with them and get help.Call or text 988 for crisis support. If there is an immediate risk of harm, call 911.
WARNING SIGNS & CHANGES TO PAY ATTENTION TO
One sign by itself does not tell you what a young person is experiencing. Look for changes from their usual behavior—especially changes that are new, increasing, lasting, or interfering with everyday life.
A young person may need additional support if you notice ongoing changes such as:
• withdrawing from friends, family, teams, or activities
• significant changes in sleep or eating
• increased anxiety, sadness, irritability, anger, or agitation
• difficulty concentrating or a noticeable decline at school
• increased alcohol or drug use
• taking unusual or dangerous risks
• major changes in mood or behavior
• struggling to function at home, at school, or with friends
Some warning signs need more immediate attention.
Take it seriously if a young person:
• talks about wanting to die or suicide
• says they feel hopeless, trapped, like a burden, or that there is no reason to live
• talks about unbearable emotional or physical pain
• begins researching or making a suicide plan
• gives away important possessions or says unusual goodbyes
• suddenly withdraws or isolates themselves
• takes dangerous risks that could result in death
• shows extreme or sudden mood changes
You do not need to wait until you are certain. If something feels different, ask. If something worries you, take it seriously.
If you are concerned about suicide, ask directly: “Are you thinking about suicide?”
If they say yes, tell you they do not feel safe, or you believe they may be in danger, stay with them and get help. Call or text 988. If there is an immediate life-threatening situation or immediate risk of harm, call 911. NIMH specifically advises not leaving someone alone if they say they are going to kill themselves.
MAKING A SAFETY PLAN
A safety plan is something you create before a crisis becomes overwhelming. It gives a young person and the adults supporting them clear steps to follow when thoughts or feelings become harder to manage.
Whenever possible, create the plan with your teen, not just for them. A mental health professional can help develop a personalized safety plan, particularly when there has been suicidal thinking, self-harm, or another significant safety concern.
A safety plan can identify:
• their personal warning signs that things are getting harder
• coping strategies that can help them get through a difficult moment
• people and places that help them feel connected or less alone
• trusted adults they can contact for help
• counselors, doctors, crisis services, 988, and other professional supports
• steps adults will take to make their environment safer
Connect the plan to the Quick Connection Check-In.
Decide together what each number means before a difficult moment happens.
For example, if your teen says “I’m a 3,” everyone should already understand that they need a private, same-day conversation. If they say “I’m a 4,” the agreed-upon support pathway begins promptly. A 5 means they do not feel safe and need immediate help.
The goal is to remove some of the pressure of explaining everything while they’re overwhelmed. The number starts the response—it does not replace the conversation or a professional assessment when one is needed.
Make the environment safer.
If there is concern about suicide or self-harm, reducing access to potentially lethal means is an important part of safety planning. Work with a qualified professional or crisis counselor to determine what needs to be secured or removed and how to do that safely.
A safety plan is not a replacement for emergency or professional care. If a young person says they are thinking about suicide, says they cannot stay safe, or you believe they may be in immediate danger, stay with them and get help. Call or text 988. For an immediate life-threatening situation, call 911.
GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP
You don’t have to wait until things reach a crisis to get professional help. If changes in your child’s emotions or behavior last for weeks, cause significant distress, or begin interfering with school, home life, friendships, sleep, activities, or everyday functioning, it may be time for an evaluation.
Start with someone who already knows your child.
Contact your child’s pediatrician or primary care provider and explain what you have noticed, when it started, how often it happens, and how it is affecting everyday life. Ask whether they recommend a mental health evaluation and for referrals to professionals who work with children or adolescents.
You can also talk with your child’s school counselor, social worker, nurse, teachers, or other school staff to understand what they are seeing at school and what support may be available there.
When you call a provider, be specific.
Instead of only saying, “My child needs counseling,” explain what is happening:
“My teenager has withdrawn from friends, isn’t sleeping normally, and has been saying they feel hopeless. These changes started about three weeks ago and are getting worse. I’m looking for an evaluation as soon as possible.”
If there has been suicidal thinking, self-harm, unsafe behavior, substance use, or another serious safety concern, say that clearly when you call.
If you hit a waitlist:
Ask whether the provider has a cancellation list, whether another clinician in the practice can see your child sooner, and whether they can recommend another provider.
Contact more than one provider when necessary. Keep your child’s pediatrician or primary care provider informed, and ask what support can be used while you wait.
You can also search confidentially for mental health treatment through FindTreatment.gov.
For families in Maine:
Maine Children’s Behavioral Health Services includes outpatient mental health treatment and several additional levels of support for children and youth. The appropriate level of care depends on the intensity, frequency, and duration of symptoms and how they affect safety and daily functioning. Parents or guardians can make referrals for children’s behavioral health services, depending on the service and eligibility requirements.
If outpatient help can’t wait because safety has become the concern, treat it as a safety issue—not a waitlist issue.
Maine families can call the Maine Crisis Line at 1-888-568-1112, 24/7. Crisis Services can provide immediate phone or in-person response for Maine children and youth experiencing a mental health crisis. You can also call or text 988. If there is an immediate life-threatening situation or immediate risk of harm, call 911.
KEEP CHECKING IN
One conversation is a beginning, not a finish line.
Keep checking in even when your child seems to be doing better. Ask how they’re doing, follow through on appointments and support plans, and pay attention to changes over time.
Checking in doesn’t always have to be a serious sit-down conversation. Sometimes connection happens in the car, while getting food, during a walk, after practice, or through a text from the next room.
Make it normal to answer honestly.
Keep using the Quick Connection Check-In when it helps. A simple “What number are you today?” can become part of everyday communication—not something that only happens when there is already a crisis.
And remember: the goal isn’t to make your child say “1.” The goal is to make it safe enough for them to tell you when the answer is 2, 3, 4, or 5.
Keep asking. Keep listening. Keep showing up.
You may not be able to fix every problem your child faces. But you can make sure they know they do not have to face those problems alone.
FOR COACHES, TEACHERS & OTHER TRUSTED ADULTS
You may be the adult a young person chooses to tell.
Coaches, teachers, counselors, school staff, mentors, youth leaders, employers, and other trusted adults often see young people in places where they spend a large part of their lives. You may notice a change, hear a comment, receive a text, or simply have a young person tell you that something isn’t okay.
You do not need to be a therapist to make a difference. Your role is to notice, listen, take concerns seriously, and help connect the young person with the appropriate support.
WHEN YOU NOTICE A CHANGE
If a young person seems different, check in privately. Start with what you have noticed rather than making assumptions about what is wrong.
“You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you doing?”
“I noticed you’ve been quieter than usual. I just wanted to check in.”
“You don’t have to tell me everything, but I want you to know I’m here to listen.”
Use the Quick Connection Check-In.
If finding the words is difficult, ask: “What number are you today—1 through 5?”
If they give you a number, take the answer seriously and follow the response guidance above. A number is a starting point for communication—not a diagnosis or a substitute for your organization’s safety procedures.
Don’t promise secrecy.
If a young person shares something involving their safety, explain calmly that you may need to involve another adult who can help.
You can say: “I’m glad you told me. I’m not going to share this with people who don’t need to know, but if I’m worried about your safety, I need to get someone who can help us.”
For school employees, coaches, volunteers, and other adults working with youth, follow your organization’s policies, reporting requirements, and established safety procedures.
IF A YOUNG PERSON SAYS THEY AREN’T SAFE
Take them seriously. Stay calm. Stay with them.
If a young person tells you they are thinking about suicide, do not feel safe, or may hurt themselves, do not leave them alone and do not promise to keep it secret. Get another appropriate adult or professional involved immediately. NIMH specifically advises not leaving someone alone when they say they are going to kill themselves, and 988 advises seeking support rather than keeping suicidal plans secret.
Ask clearly.
If you need to understand what they are telling you, it is okay to ask directly:
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
Listen without judgment. Don’t argue, lecture, act shocked, or try to convince them that they shouldn’t feel the way they do. 988 recommends being direct, listening, being nonjudgmental, and taking action to connect the person with appropriate help.
Get help.
Call or text 988 for crisis support and guidance. You can contact 988 yourself when you are concerned about someone else; the young person does not have to make the call alone. 988 Lifeline
If there is an immediate life-threatening situation or immediate risk of harm, call 911.
For schools, athletic programs, youth organizations, and other structured settings: follow your organization’s established emergency, safeguarding, notification, and reporting procedures. The Quick Connection Check-In is a communication tool—it does not replace those procedures or a professional assessment.
The conversation doesn’t end when the immediate concern passes.
Follow up. Check in again the next day, after practice, later in the week, or whenever you see them next.
A simple “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing today?” reminds a young person that telling you wasn’t a burden—and that your concern didn’t disappear when the difficult moment ended.
Keep appropriate adults and professionals involved when needed, while respecting the young person’s privacy as much as possible.
QUICK CONNECTION CHECK-IN TOOLS
Sometimes the hardest part of asking for help is finding the words.
The J.O.N.Y. Project’s Quick Connection Check-In gives young people and the adults who support them a shared 1–5 language for starting difficult conversations.
It is designed to be simple enough to use at home, at school, on a team, in a youth program, or anywhere a young person has a trusted adult they can turn to.
The goal isn’t to get a “good” number. The goal is to make it easier to give an honest one.
Choose the version that fits how you’ll use it:
FOR TEENS & FAMILIES
Use a number when words are hard.
The Quick Connection Check-In gives young people and the adults who care about them a simple shared language for checking in. Print it, keep it somewhere easy to find, or save it on your phone so the numbers are available when finding the words feels difficult.
1 — I’m okay right now.
2 — I’m having a hard day.
3 — I need someone to talk to.
4 — I’m really not okay.
5 — I do not feel safe right now.
The Check-In is an educational communication tool. It does not diagnose a mental health condition, assess suicide risk, or replace professional or emergency care.
Want the complete version?
Download the full Quick Connection Check-In Pack for teens and families. It includes the 1–5 Check-In, what each number communicates, what happens next, a personalized My Connection Check-In Plan, guidance for the adult receiving the number, crisis resources, and Hold On for 77 More.
Use it together, print it, save it on your phone, or keep a copy somewhere easy to reach when finding the words feels difficult.
QUICK DOWNLOADS
Need something simpler to keep close by?
These shorter versions make it easy to keep the Check-In somewhere visible, save it to a phone, or share it with a trusted adult.
FRIEND IN CRISIS POCKET CARDS
Standard business-card size for a wallet, backpack, or behind a phone case.
FOR SCHOOLS, TEAMS & YOUTH ORGANIZATIONS
Interested in bringing the Quick Connection Check-In to your school, team, or youth organization?
IF SOMEONE MAY NOT BE SAFE RIGHT NOW
Do not wait for the perfect words or for things to get worse.
If you are worried that you or someone else may be thinking about suicide, self-harm, or may not be able to stay safe, stay with them and connect with help.
Call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
In Maine: Call the Maine Crisis Line at 1-888-568-1112.
If there is immediate danger or an immediate risk of harm, call 911.
The Quick Connection Check-In and resources on this page are educational communication tools. They do not diagnose a mental health condition, determine suicide risk, or replace professional mental health care, crisis assessment, emergency services, or an organization’s established safety procedures.
The J.O.N.Y. Project provides connection tools and educational resources. We are not a crisis service, mental health provider, or substitute for professional care. If there is immediate danger or an immediate risk of harm, call 911.
Journey On. Never Yield.
thejonyproject.org